Social Media: Antics & Fuckery

  So, I have a Facebook account, and Instagram account, Twitter, and recently Snapchat…which most likely won’t remain cuz I don’t even like it. So obviously I don’t see social media as “da damn devil”.

  Social media has been a constant source of entertainment for me over the years, and also has served as a means to reconnect with old friends and even create new friendships, or other kinds of relationships…*COUGHfuckbuddyCOUGH*

  But perhaps this is simply caused by my point of view on the various uses social media has to offer. It becomes just another community for people to dwell, and every person has a particular role to play. Much like the scene in the movie Mean Girls, there are various categories/tribes we fall into.

  I fall into the fitness freak category, most of my posts are me in the gym, someone else in the gym, the gym itself, gym related issues, something something fitness, etc. Look up he hash tag #MONSTER_FIT.

  Then there’s Ratchet Folk…hell, I’m in that group too. The Lurkers, the Spammers, the “Flip A Disability Into Money” crew (not even fucking joking), the Attention Whores, the Stans (looking at you, Beyhive), the Promoters, the “Flip A Scam to Travel Free” squad (do you really wish I was there?), the Underage As Fuck But Here’s A Follow group (block), Keyboard Gangstas, the Stalkers (be careful who you put your dick in/pussy on…) and the list goes on and on.

  Forgot the Trolls. These bitches ain’t shit, block em and move on. I’ve had to tell a few of em to eat a baggie full of flavored marsupial balls, but I try to not even give them the attention anymore.

  The idea of course is to be social…so I never got why people would say things like “I’m only friends with and/or follow people I know in real life”. I mean it’s all your prerogative as to how you choose to maneuver the Web, but I’m sayin’…its SOCIAL media. It’s ok to branch out. I’ve met the woman I love on Instagram. We took that chance to meet in person, sure I could have been a cannibal. But she could have been a Basic Instinct copycat, so….

  Anyways, I see no true issue with social media. It has its pros and cons like any and everything else. Perverts, predators, scams, so on and so on. Just have to be smart and aware.

  I’ve heard arguments of “social media gets people in trouble” or “social media ruins relationships”. I fail to see how though. Those things have been happening way before the Internet. You can’t get caught up in dirt you don’t do, a lesson I’ve learned. It’s sort of a Catch 22 though. Depending on who you deal with, you can still get in “trouble” from liking someone’s post…ask how I know 😐…

  Its just Facebook or Instagram…but an inbox message asking if you can lick her toilet seat is something else entirely. I’m saying, if your intentions were pure, cool. If your boo is that jealous, territorial, insecure (all euphemisms for the same shit), then take it from me: leave em alone. They’ll be the same way online or off….unless of course you’ve done something in the past to make them that way, then in which case stay and suffer. If not, then dip.

  Let’s be real. There’s some attractive ass motherfuckers online. Assuming it’s their real picture…but videos don’t lie like pics do…anyway, we all like tiddies. Men, women, gay or not, we all love a good pair of tiddies. So if you see some cleavage or ass cheek underhang (you wtf I’m talking about), then like that shit. Some people want you to become gay after being committed to them, but that’s counterproductive (“I can’t be gay to all these other women and still like you baby…I CAN be straight, and just be faithful, I’m sayin’ though…”). And before any females debate me, I know the difference between being respectful to your woman and just liking a pic. I mean, if it’s the tiddies of a chick your woman is beefin’ with, then nah, don’t like em. But if it’s the tits of a model…on a party flyer? Shiiiiiit. You better like those tiddies (keep in my mind, IG works on a like/comment system…….).

  And if she complains, tell her that you’d have less time to like Gram Tiddies if your dick was in her mouth. Straight face right now, not even joking. Who likes shit on Instagram while getting head???….wait, if YOU do, then you need a new girl. Flat out.

  ….I’m getting sidetracked, sorry, I just HATE wack head…

  So yeah, umm, my point kinda is, a weapon is only as dangerous as it’s weilder. If you use social media to cheat, then yeah it can be a bad thing. I’ve done it. It’s nothing but a personal evidence folder. Convenient as hell, but your swimming against the tide.

  Now if you use it to promote a non profit organization then that just nothing but good. It’s all in the intention, and follow through. I have a gun, only 1 bullet….I see two men. One with a thousand dollars in his hand, the other man with a knife about to rob that money man. That weapon can be used to help or hurt…cuz I can shoot the knife guy and either let the money man be or use the knife to rob him lol.

 

 

The Game Is To Be Sold….

Recently, I thought about shows that showcase one gender speaking on what they want or expect from the opposite gender. These shows usually have a panel, or maybe 4 or 5 individuals on a stage with a host and they speak about relationship issues.

That reminded me of the books that Steve Harvey wrote about pretty much the same issue. I haven’t read his books but I’ve heard good things. Only problem with that is I’ve only heard from women about his books. Not that I expected any males to read them.

All of that made me think of how these shows always seem to give false hope to people that have trouble finding the right person. I say false hope because I’ve learned years ago that no one will ever, ever, EVER understand the opposite sex. Just won’t happen. You may understand your spouse, significant other, fuck buddy, accountant, whatever, but that’s about as far as it goes.

Understanding someone of the opposite sex on an individual basis is one thing. But knowing “what men really want” or what “women really want” is some ol’ bullshit.

Men and women are just too gosh darn different, and on top of that, the contrasts get deeper with each individual. Some men like ass more, some like tiddies. Some men can beat their meat to 3 toes and half an ankle. I won’t even bother to go further, but you get the point.

In my opinion, having to take time to learn people, and have them learn you is part of the fun. It’s a part of the chase, in which case women have to chase men too. It’s an odd mutual chase where both people run toward each other with personality…and hopefully, honesty.

Dating and courting is a big ass science experiment. It’s full of trial and error. Win some, lose some, fuck some, catch an STD (in which case you make notes: “have that one maimed at earliest convenience”), she’s too nosey, has trust issues; he’s too controlling, wipes his ass sideways, CTRL-ALT-DELETE DELETE DELETE! And it just continues until you find your missing puzzle piece. Keep trying, keep going, sift through all those pieces of shit, eventually you’ll find that gold nugget.

Is Batman Gay?

  Okay, so me and my girlfriend were talking recently, and the subject of comics came up, no uncommon, and to be more specific, Batman. Don’t ask me how but I went on a rant about how he might be gay. I was joking…but, the shit was funny and also kind of made sense…in a way.

  One of the points that I made was about him never having held down a serious relationship with any women. And one could argue that it’s because of his night endeavors, but i think that if he can juggle being a billionaire and crime fighting, he could have a steady girlfriend. There’s even a Batwoman now…why not hit that?

  Then there’s Catwoman…and I’m sure he may have hit that a few times, maybe(?) but she’s been after him for who knows how long. Since when do straight men play hard to get?

  The closest he’s come to having a long term boo, was Talia Al Ghul, daughter to Ra’s Al Ghul; the Demon’s Head…really Bruce? That’s who you chose? He knew that shit would never last. He’s in the closet, he just indulged to avoid suspicion. What’s worse, is he was date raped by that woman, and he now has a son. His baby mama is a member of the League of Assassins y’all. Damn.

  My theory eventually traveled to the suspicion that Batman was secretly in love for the Joker. Judging from the twisted affection Joker has shown for him, and why he hasn’t killed him, basically he do everything for his attention. Is that nor a red flag to anyone else? I mean, at least on Joker’s side…

But Batman…how can one excuse his refusal to kill Joker? If you’ve read the things I’ve read, you know Joker NEEDS to die. That dude won’t stop raising Hell til he’s there. He’s murdered the wife of Comissioner Gordon in a room full of babies, paralyzed his daughter, kidnapped him, slaughtered scores of people, ruined lives…but Brucie won’t kill him. I’m just saying, fuck morals.

  He’s got major bat wood for Joker. Just my opinion (not really but it was a interesting idea).

JOKER: “I think we’re destined to do this forever.”
BATMAN: *mutters* “…fuck yeah”

GETTING IN SHAPE: Motivation

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry. Since the last time, I’ve gotten more active in the gym. Like, a LOT more active. Like…obsessively active. I formed an ass groove in a few benches, let’s put it that way.
I’ve shared my fitness exploits on social media; mainly Facebook, Instagram (@tony.double.dos) and Twitter @gotdamnmonster), and those that follow me always either ask for advice, tips, etc. Or ask for me to train them.
The thing is, to be honest, most of the motivation for this request is to have a summer body. And, while there’s not a damn thing wrong with wanting to have the body you’ve always dreamed about (or at the very least, a flat stomach), these people are thinking short, instead of long.
Look at it this way: why have to rush and scramble to learn material for a test that’s taking place the next day, when you could have studied the entire semester? I’m saying…summer bodies are made during the Fall and Winter seasons. And, yes even Spring. You’re not gonna shit off 20-30+ pounds in 2 months if you don’t even have the discipline to not eat the same bullshit you’ve eaten all winter, knowing your gut was safely hidden beneath layers of clothing.
Sorry, but that shit just ain’t gon happen. It’s a lot more than simply hitting the gym hard…or sweating up a storm…or, I don’t know, that first 20 oz bottle of water of the week. Fitness is not a fad, trend, or even a hobby. It’s a LIFESTYLE.
You have to live this shit. Literally. Everything you do, is gonna revolve around your health. As I type this, I’m approaching my third liter of water of the day, on my way to my goal of 4-5 liters. That’s daily. DAILY. See what I’m saying? Nah, you can’t dip in and out of this, you will NEVER (!) see the results you want unless you’re absolutely committed to it. And with that commitment, I’ll admit comes with a dash of obsession. You may lose your shit. In a good way tho…
The main problem most people seem to have is a lack of motivation, and in my opinion, a fear of any possible pain.
The motivation portion is tricky. Not everyone is motivated the same. I know without a doubt, I’ve spent four years in the United States Army, and they are BIG on motivation. And I wasn’t motivated by any of the screaming, the yelling, the heart (via Drill Sergeant) to heart (the entire platoon) talks. No, I was ultimately motivated by two things:
1. Learning I had orders to be stationed in Hawai’i for 3 years, but only on the condition that I pass my PT test. And…
2. The fear of getting fat. Which amusingly almost happened while I was in Hawai’i.
I trained myself to pass my PT test. The 2 mile run was my adversary and I jammed a gorilla thumb up it’s ass, and the thumb was double jointed by the way. As for being fat in Hawai’i, which sounds like a sitcom…I felt my stomach jiggle while I walked to the PX. I stopped, walked back to the barracks, threw on some gym clothes, and spent the next 4 hours working out. And that continued every day. Or at least as often as my body allowed. I literally worked on my whole body, top to bottom. Purely from fear.
I was misguided then, still in the wrong direction. Right track though, just no guidance. That came with time. But the motivation was there.
I never had a fear of pain. In my mind, the pain came with the territory. When it hurts, that just means it’s working (which is true unless, of course, you injured yourself, in which case I’d suggest seeing a doctor…).
Motivation comes from whatever your desires are. It’s just this simple: you wanna be fit? Then fuckin’ workout,  and eat healthier. That, however, is the only simple part. At least in the beginning. You need to know what your goals are. The best thing I can suggest, is honestly, hire a trainer. It’s taken me years to make the progress I’ve made, but it was by me doing it all alone. Learning from where I can, from whoever, and endless trial and error. Save yourself some time. Get a trainer.
However if you decide not to…OK. Just be prepared to do a LOT of research. Without a trainer, you’re forming a strategy to fight a war on your own. The war is with you, so the bright side is…you’ll win…even if you lose, you won, but…don’t lose…cuz that’s fucked up that you whupped your own ass, and didn’t even get fit in the process…understand?
So anyway, yeah, motivation…buy some nice gym clothes. New Nikes or something, treat yourself. You’ll feel better about going to the gym. But once you’re there, you’ll need to work. That means sweat. “Eww, eww no, yucky sweat”, please shut the fuck up now if you just thought that. I’m saying, what the fuck? You’re not there to look cute. Well, not after a half hour has passed. Rule of thumb, if you still look like you haven’t done shit…you ain’t did shit. And you wasted your time. Summer is coming. And while you don’t have time to get a flat stomach for this summer, depending on how you look at this point, there’s always next summer.
You don’t need to wait. Work for that flat stomach to enjoy during the Fall. And Winter. And Spring. Then, guess what? You’ll already have it come next Summer. Makes sense, right?
As far as the pain that some of you are afraid of…well, I’ll just be honest. Some of you people like to be bitten during sex, slapped, choked, anal, all kinds of shit. You have tattoos, and piercings…why fear pain now?….I’m just sayin’…you can take a dick in the booty but you don’t wanna “lift a weight”?
The pain does not mean something is wrong. Seriously, it doesn’t. Any other time, sure, maybe. It all depends. But your body is going through a great deal of stress during exercise, blood rushing into the muscles, lactic acid and what have you. It’s bound to hurt. I guarantee those endorphins make you feel good in spite of the pain. You’ll be sore, no doubt. Especially after leg day. You’re getting stronger. You just have to fight through the pain. You missed a lot of sleep studying for your Anal Sex degree, you can suffer through this. Besides, this is your health we’re talking about. It’s not solely about looking good…or at last it shouldn’t be but whatever, just grab some motivation and run with it.

Television.

Alright, so I haven’t been keeping up with TV like I used to. Too many damn reality shows and also….I hate trying to rearrange my schedule for a damn TV program. However, as a result, I’ve missed out on some great shit.

And this is where my love affair with Netflix comes I to play. I’ve been able to catch up on Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy. Now I’m also hooked on Orange is the New Black and Hemlock Grove, both of which bored the hell outta me the first two episodes but I hung in there.

Checked out The Strain. I’m so interested that I downloaded the book to my Kindle. As far as current shows, besides that, I’m into Arrow real heavy.

But…Love & Hip Hop…Basketball Wives…Bad Girls Club…fuuuuck no. Tried Scandal too, can’t do it. There’s no excuse, in my opinion, for a show to be an hour long, and still not be able to pique my interest in two or three episodes. Those other shows are scripted and nothing but chicks screaming (with no penis inside em provoking such noise).

The fall line-up looks promising though. Gotham, The Flash among other shows that I can’t currently remember at the moment. Heard Power is pretty good so I’ll try that next.

Braaaaaaaaaains…..

One of the most difficult things about being a male, is the unbelievably strong urge to bust a nut. Sometimes that feeling seems to almost turn us into animals. Just like animals only hunt to eat, because they’re hungry; men hunt to have sex because we’re horny.

Some guys feel this urge a lot more than others. But no matter how often a guy feels that urge, when you’ve suffered a drought, and you’re backed up, it’s a wrap. Get 2 cages, and place a hungry lion in one, and a backed up man in the other. Only difference may be that one walks on two legs….aside from the fur, tail, claws, etc.

Some guys will actually say that their dick completely assumed control of their actions. It truly feels that way. Ever woke up to find yourself humping someone because you were that horny? I have. I had no idea how I got on top of her, but I know I didn’t stop til I was done. Splat.

The thought of my penis actually having a functioning brain came to mind. But I couldn’t imagine it just having a brain, since humans don’t just have a brain. There’d have to be the whole package, so to speak. Brain, nervous system, lungs and shit like that. I suppose the dick-lungs could be housed in the balls. A man’s reproductive system would have the dick-nervous system.  I suppose the urethra would double as the dick-mouth… Nah, scratch that. Couldn’t be a dick-mouth cuz mouths have tongues. That’s way too disturbing.

Interactions between men and women would have to be even more diplomatic than ever before. A man gets kicked in the balls, his dick-lungs collapse. He fucks too hard, he’s out of breath twice. Only problems i foresee would be the dick having PTSD. A severe fear of swimming, or water…or even possibly a violent attempt at a complete mental takeover of the entire body. Let’s face it: it’s just all brain and nerves down there getting all that sex, it could go insane and start talking like Caesar from Planet of the Apes did.

The thought process would be interesting to witness. Having a seperate brain to solely think about sex would free up a lot of time to think of more important things, instead of the big brain sending sex thoughts to the smaller brain. Perhaps there would be a telepathic link between both brains like, “LB? This is BB. I’m going to work, so I need you to chill til the afternoon. It’s the weekend, I’ll let you run wild the whole time but we can’t walk around erect like we did yesterday, shit’s not professional….we got a raise, but that’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, let’s not push it. Cool? Cool.”

I honestly think a “my dick made me do it” excuse is more viable than a “I was drunk” excuse, having been under the influence of both. Most of us have had sex with someone we regretted afterwards. Beer goggles is the same as Dick Vision. Someone who we’d normally never get at, looks damn good to us all of a sudden. Shit’s terrible. So, drink in moderation, and masturbate before you leave the house. Just to be sure.

 

WTF is Grimace???

When you say the word ‘grimace’, you’d probably think of a facial expression of disust. Not if you’re an obese 6 year old. An obese 6 year old hears the word ‘grimace’ and thinks of a large, happy-faced, purple buddy of Ronald McDonald.

Ronald is a magic clown. Hamburglar is the kleptomaniac brother of the MAD Magazine guy. Then there was the duck/pilot chick Birdie…the little chicken nugget guys….so we’re all sure on what they were. But seriously, what the in hell is Grimace? I never really contemplated it as a child. Didn’t care. I was too busy eating Big Mac’s and those delicious, delicious fries. 

As an adult, there’s a number of things that enter my mind when I wonder about Grimace. None of them rated PG, besides looking like an eggplant.

Dude looks like a dildo, a grape that’s been crossbred with a dachshund, a mentally challenged herpe, a child molesting crayon, a walking bruise…I could go on.

This may be one of life’s many puzzling mysteries that no one thinks about, but I had to shed light on this subject cuz the shit is just silly. Personally I’m starting to suspect Ronald of using his sorcery for evil purposes. He starts off innocently, making golden arches from his palms to make kids giggle, earning parents’ trust, but think about it: this motherfucker has been the same damn age since before I was born. What’s his damn angle? Maybe being Ronald McDonald pays well and he’s using magic as his job security, that’s feasible. But I think he went all ‘Dr. Frankenstein’ and created Grimace as his minion. At least I’m hoping it’s just that, and not something even more disturbing.

CNN needs to cover this topic before children come up missing, leaving nothing but a pickle slice and 3 sesame seeds where their toys once were.